~ 12 ~ The Gods of Mane Chat

The 12 Gods of Mane Chat was an arc brought about by Nathan being inspired to write a buttload of autistic lore based on a simple message from another Mane Chatter, who equated him and Sawru being in a call to a God of wrath and a God of kindness convening with one another.

Genesis
Long ago, in a distant land, I, AKU, the Master of Ev—er I mean, T-V, the Elder God of Rose Lalonde, saw fit to create a new universe. With a wave of His/Her many hands, He/She brought forth new life within the nothingness of the void. And so was created…the first God.

The first God created by T-V was the God of Kindness. T-V believed this to be necessary to keep His/Her new universe from imploding into itself from sheer assholery. And it was thus. Kindness took the form of a Duck most times with huge, intimidating JoJo arms, followed by a large gaggle of ducklings quacking behind her constantly. T-V gave her the job of keeping peace, acting as the Mother Duck of the universe, a shining symbol of altruism and guardianship; the truest form of the mother duck. Her Stand is Hey Ya.

However, T-V could not create this universe purely of goodness; He/She needed another force to equalize the unbalanced cosmos. Thus, was created the God of Wrath. Wrath took the form of a raging Fire most times with many mouths and many voices speaking at once, blazing with the hot fury of a thousand stars. T-V gave him the job of destruction, acting as the will of the Alcoholic Father of the universe, a symbol of angry destruction for no real apparent reason. For reasons unknown, T-V also gave Wrath more power than any other God, crowning him as a sort of “King" of the other Gods, though he doesn’t really seem to care.

With Wrath and Kindness created, the two forces balanced one another, and the cosmos stabilized. But there was a force not even T-V could control, a force beyond that of even the Elder God Himself/Herself: Clowns. From the void of the nothingness that once occupied the realm sprang forth a being of pure chaos and revelry. This creature took the form of a whitefaced, afro-headed thing, a permanent smile engraved on his face. T-V drew back in both fear and disgust from this creature and so saw fit to let His/Her universe take its own form, assigning a lethargic Outer God, an overseer known as the Prince of Anime, to lethargically babysit His/Her pocket dimension, leaving Kindness and Wrath to oversee the building of this universe as Clowns watched with playful, murderous glee.

The Origins
Soon, life had sprung up in the newborn universe upon a planet covered in water. The three forces watched with great interest as the evolution took place. Suddenly, there was a creature upon this world that could think with cognizance: Humans. The three were intrigued (though Clowns already knew what would happen), and all decided to take on more human-like forms for the sake of interacting with these interesting creatures.

They watched from afar as civilizations took shape, rose, and fell, but soon could not withstand their curiosity to mingle with the creatures. Their first of many visits was to the country of Japan. There, they bore witness to the technological advancements and unique qualities of this breed of human, when Clowns suddenly had an idea.

“What if there were…more of us!?”

The two Gods of balance looked at one another and slowly grinned.

“I FUCKIN’ LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK, YO!!”

“This will definitely make it interesting!”

Clowns then turned and zeroed in on a young Japanese male, minding his own business, trying to study for college. With a terrifying grin, Clowns’ chaotic energy shot forth and engulfed the lad, imbuing him with the same power of Godhood that the others possessed. The three then appeared before him as Clowns proclaimed,

'“You! Are now the God of Japan!"'

"COME WITH US! ACCEPT YOUR GODHOOD!”

“…uh…nah.”

“…wait, really?”

The lad shrugged. Clowns had chosen a peculiar Japanese person to bestow Godhood upon. This young man had no desire in his heart. He had no cares. All he wanted was to get through school. And becoming a God changed nothing. All it gave him was an immunity to outside forces and stimuli that he pretty much already had. He turned away from the Gods and continued his studies, willing to patiently wait until he completed his education before royally fucking up his home country for no real reason.

Wrath laughed heartily as he yelled,

'“FUCKIN’ HILARIOUS!! LET’S KEEP THIS SHIT UP, BOIII!!”'

With the desire to amuse themselves, they continued to travel the world, finding new humans to lift into their ranks as Gods.

After the God of Japan came the God of Duality. This was a man with such androgynous features that Wrath hit on him. Like, a lot. Even after finding out they were a man. It’s weird. But his power of catfishing was so great that the Gods decided he should be one of them, granting him his power over Illusions, though Duality did not join them in their travels. Duality was too busy producing music and trying out new dresses to come with.

Next came one of the most contemptuous: the God of Homestuck. …do we have to explain his origins? Ah, fine. The God of Homestuck was originally what many would call a “massive, unredeemable deviant,” and they would be right. However, his self awareness (which IS indeed there) and memey nature appealed to Wrath and Clowns (somewhat, anyway). And so, enjoying his own amusement above all else, Wrath granted the man with the powers over the Stars and his beloved memes, naming him after a terrible, horrible, no-good awful webcomic. Homestuck was pleased. The three took Homestuck with them as they continued their travels, occupying the position as the 4thChair of the Gods.

Then came the God of MILFs. The God of MILFs is a young woman, a self proclaimed mother who looks after a bunch of idiotic manchildren (including her significant other). When she met the Gods, she became adamant about joining their ranks and proclaimed herself God of MILFs. Though Wrath questioned the validity of her title, MILFs was obstinate in saying she was a “God of herself.” The All-Power God shrugged and made it so, granting her power over Lust and super Hot Mommies. Nice.

Before MILFs could join the Gods in their pilgrimage, MILFs mortal lover proclaimed himself the God of Space Exploration and followed after the group, walking with them with his head held high. This enraged Wrath, who sent him tumbling into a purgatorial prison. However, he did not remain there long. He yelled up at the angery God that he held prowess over music. Wrath became intrigued and let him out. The young man pulled out his guitar and played Wonderwall. Badly. Wrath became filled with delight at the sound of such a shitty, memey song and granted him power over Rocket Ships as the God of Space Exploration (later renaming himself God of Space). He joins the group, and they continue.

The gaggle of Gods discover something called a “radio.” It was a new model that could only do one thing: play music. The group huddled around the radio, using it to play all kinds of songs. They enjoyed it so much that they stole it right out of the Radio Shack and took it with them on their journey, declaring it the “God of Music,” but it’s…it’s a radio.

The Gods’ journey was approaching its' end, as they were all getting pretty tired. However, just before they decided to stop, they met one last person: the God of Furries. The man was rather mild-mannered, if a bit dense, but Wrath liked him. …that’s really it, honestly. He had a fursona, so Wrath made him God of Furries, bestowing him with power over the Fauna (making Homestuck very jealous).

And so the Gods, weary from their years of traveling, decided to create a place for themselves to stay. They chose Greece. Because why the fuck not? They had Gods and shit in their ancient days, so it fits. The group arrived in Greece, and Wrath grabbed the earth he stood upon, then pulled upwards with a furious yell, lifting the very ground with all of them on it. The earth shot upwards into the sky and soon became Mane Mountain, the modern day Olympus (or should I say…Manelympus). This is where they rested, and this is where they stayed. And there they remain to this very day.

...But!

The story was not quite over. The Gods realized that people came to see the mountain, and it became a tourist trap. Wrath was annoyed and pissy about this, so he decided to bestow Godhood upon a local crazy homeless guy wandering around the base of the mountain, naming him as the God of Shit. He stank. People avoided him, and therefore the mountain.

All was well for a while, until another man approached the mountain. He screamed. A lot. He’s a God now.

And this is the origins of the 12 Gods and Eight Chairs of Mane Chat Mountain, though it is not the end of the story. In time, there were others who came, all attempting to join the Gods upon the mountain. But Wrath, being the OCD bastard he is, insisted upon no more than 12 Gods and Eight Chairs, and damned every person attempting to obtain Godhood into Demonhood instead. Though there was one who gained Wrath’s favor...

A suspiciously clowny-looking individual approached the mountain. Wrath was suspicious and wary of this creature, though Clowns was obviously quite fond of its kin. The creature wanted for Godhood, but Wrath swiftly cast the creature into the Abyss of Hades with the other Demons. Satisfied by his work, Wrath slumbered. However, this ✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ Demon had a trick up its sleeve…

As Wrath awoke the next day, he noticed a gift at the doorstep of Manelympus. Wrath questioned the other Gods as to its origin, but most simply shrugged or ignored his query. Clowns however, grinned widely and chortled with glee. Wrath glared at the box in hesitation, then flung it open! And what came out…was the motherfucking Grinch from the good How the Grinch Stole Christmas movie (and the only good one—fight me on this, I dare you) with a microphone, performing ASMR for the Gods and biting into a raw onion.

Most of the Gods, even Clowns, were displeased with this wretched display except for a few…and Wrath. Wrath smiled with pure joy as the Grinch entertained them, demanding loudly where this gift came from. The Grinch pointed at the gates, where stood the very same Demon.

Wrath had cast out not even a full 24 hours ago. He stared in disbelief.

'“YOU MOTHERFUCKER. GET YOUR FUCKIN’ ASS IN HERE, MY N-WORD!”'

Wrath pulled the Demon into Manelympus and granted the creature a badge of honor reading “✓ᵛᵉʳᶦᶠᶦᵉᵈ God,” though Wrath was physically unable to allow the creature to remain on the mountain as one of them or give it a chair (MOTHERFUCKIN’ OCD, YO).

And so the origin story is complete…for the Gods.

Rise of the Demons of Hades & the Demon Monkey King
All was well for the 12 (with an eventual honorary 13th) as they ruled with apathy over the land of Mane-Chatius. They had no cares, no actual responsibility. All they did was fuck around, meme on each other, and occasionally get into a pointless squabble over unimportant nonsense for laughs. But Wrath was vigilant in his watch over the Mountain, keeping an eye open (when he was awake) for any being that dared to climb Manelympus to attain Godhood.

The first to attempt this was an enigmatic owl. Wrath had seen the owl only a very few amount of times but did vaguely recognize the creature. It flew up the mountain with great speed and penetrated the gates with ease. Mmmm…

This enraged Wrath when he discovered the owl amongst the ranks of Gods, casually sitting on its eggs. So, he grabbed it and violently flung it to the earth below so hard that a great chasm opened up, which Wrath quickly sealed with a roll of Flex Tape®. The owl was indifferent to this treatment and remained in the fiery chasm with its eggs, morphing into a perverted Demon surrounded by its eggs: the Egg Demon.

The next to climb the mountain was…a pony. Literally a pony. Carrying a saddle with over-priced My Little Pony fanfiction on her back, the filly trekked up the mountain path (which Wrath was very pissed to find out existed, much to Clowns’ amusement) and approached the gates with an unassuming smile, asking very kindly to be let in.

Wrath flew up to the gate and screamed in the pony’s face,

“'YOU AIN’T GETTIN’ IN, MOTHERFUCKER!! NOW EAT SHIT IN HELL!! 'LITERALLY!!”

“Oh, okay!”

The pony continued smiling, unperturbed as she was cast down into the chasm of demons, morphing into a Night-Mare Pony Demon. Realizing the chasm might be getting fuller in the future, Wrath decided to name the chasm “Hades,” because originality. Soon after, just as the angery God settled back down into his obnoxiously big chair, there was another at the gates. Irritated, Wrath screamed for the other Gods to do something about it. But none of them honestly gave a shit. Squirrely RAGE was too busy screaming into the sky. Shit was at the foot of the mountain, stankin’. Furries was too busy drawing some fine art. Music was too busy playing “Fingers in His Ass” for the 500th time. Space was too busy watching MILFs, who was too busy being sexy for Space. Homestuck was too busy playing Super Smash Bros. with Kindness. Clowns was too busy grinning at nothing, surrounded by strange and lewd creatures of unknown origin. And the other Gods weren’t even there for Wrath to yell at.

Groaning, Wrath got up from his comfy, undeserved chair and slunk to the gate.

“WHO DAFUQ ARE YOU AND WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT.”

The tiny worm presented a badge to the God and said,

'“I am Wormhole Police. I got a call that someone around here was abusing the Wormhole.”'

Wrath cocked his head and stared at the worm in confusion.

“You fuckin’ wot, m8?” 

'    “You heard me! There’s no advertising of your reality in anyone else’s reality!”'

Wrath scratched his head, still oblivious to these “rules” the worm spoke of.

The Elder G-d T-V coughed in the Ether.

The other Gods caught wind of the worm and soon begged Wrath to let him stay, cuz he was cute worm. Before Wrath could make a decision, a flying saucer appeared with other worms onboard. The hatch opened up, a worm clad in high-ranking officer’s uniform popping out of it.

'“Levy! You put gore in the fucking wormhole again! What the actual fuck!? We’ve warned you about this! Your badge is forfeit! You! Are! Fired!!”'

The worm captain tore the disgraced worm’s badge and police hat away from him as their saucer revved up and blinked away.

The worm outlaw paused a moment and said,

“Uh…guess I’ll stay.”

The other Gods cheered in revelry, but Wrath was still a Grumpy Gary and flung the worm into Hades, morphing him into a Wormy Demon. But Worm Demon didn’t seem to care much. He was too busy being ominous and scary to the peoples of Mane-Chatius and making art that would be fit for Adult Swim.

Some time passed before there was another to join the ranks of the demons. A thief from another land found Mane Mountain. He climbed the mountain, paying no mind to the foul stench permeating around the base, thoughts of riches filling his head. Soon, the gates of Manelympus loomed in front of him. Unlike most that approached the gates, the thief did not attempt to ask for entry. He instead chose to force his way in (which wasn’t exactly hard; the gates aren’t locked). None of the Gods initially noticed. Most lazily slept or occupied themselves with video games and art. Wrath, ever watchful, did notice. But he was getting a bit tired of kicking out people all the time and decided to see what would happen.

It was then that the thief saw it: the Golden NUT. His eyes gleamed, avarice filling his very soul as he beheld the giant, golden NUT. Without hesitation, without style or grace, the thief lunged forward, smacking the NUT with his face. This caught the attention of Squirrely RAGE.

The squirrel stopped screaming and slowly turned to confront the thief. The thief looked up and met eyes with the squirrel. There was a beat of silence, the tension in the air palpable as the Gods all turned to see why Squirrel had stopped screaming. Wrath’s face twisted into a manic grin as he awaited the inevitable…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”undefined

The thief’s skin melted from his skeleton, his eyes liquifying and pouring from his skull. His body slowly morphed into a tree, the bones browning and growing bark and twigs. His eye sockets were filled with two large acorns as leaves sprung open from his mouth and the top of his head. His own screams gargled into silence as he twisted into his new, gnarled form. The Gods all stared at the display. Some in horror, some in fascination, and others in amusement. Wrath clapped his hands like an excited child as his high-pitched laughter filled Manelympus.

'“THAT. WAS. FUCKIN’. SICK, BOIII!!”'

The Squirrel kicked the newly demonized NUT creature off the mountain, and Wrath flicked his finger as his laughter continued to open the Chasm of Hades, swallowing the NUT Demon.

Then…he came.

From the Five Fingers In His Ass Mountain arose a Demon of unimaginable power:

The Monkey Demon King, Tamaguen (no relation to Sun Wu Kong).

Tama held demonic strength unlike the others. With a single swish of his tail, he tore the land in half. With a single swipe of his money paw, he could rend the very oceans themselves into seas. Wrath watched with great interest as this Demon King ran amuck in Mane-Chatius. None of the other Gods gave a shit, though Homestuck thought it was pretty cool. Wrath approached the Monkey, asking him if he wanted a throne in Hades, acting as the defacto ringleader of the Demons. Tama mulled it over for a moment before asking Wrath why he was offering him such a position. Wrath shrugged and said,

“I’MA BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU: I’M KINDA AUTISTIC AND I THINK IT’D BE COOL.”

Tama blinked and half-shrugged in response,

'“Oh, alright. Cool.”'

So the Demon King was crowned, Tamaguen. He reigned in Hades with great apathy.

As Wrath had suspected, there were more Demons to join the ranks of Hades. Yet another was a man riding a goat. Though he did not attempt to climb Mane Mountain to claim Godhood, the man still garnered the attention of the Gods. From the 1st Chair, Wrath felt a surge of fury and found the man on his goat, using a branch made of birch to aggressively beat a child. Intrigued, Wrath continued watching. The goat-man rode from house to house, village to village, finding children who disobeyed their parents or just generally behaved like little shits. And each time he found a new rotten child, he would McFuckin’ beat the ever-loving shit out of the little ankle-biters. This brought Wrath much joy. However, this also attracted the attention of the 2nd Chair, Kindness.

Curious as to the source of Wrath’s cackling laughter and fearing there must be something very violent happening, Kindness’ gaze honed in on the goat-man’s furious, frenzied flogging. Horrified by the unrepentant beating of the children that Kindness was made to protect, she flew down from the mountain and opened the Chasm of Hades. She scolded the goat-man and merged his human form with the goat he rode, banishing him into the fires.

Wrath, still on the floor from laughter, declared the goat-man as “Demon Daddy,” and tasked him with the duty of punishing the wicked broods when the parents refused to lift their hand against them. Demon Daddy brandishes his Branch with a smirk as he accepts this responsibility, though Kindness was a little upset about it for a while.

As the land settled down from the excitement of demonic influx, there was a young girl that approached the mountain, crawling up from the very bottom of the earth. She screamed up at the mountain that she was also a God, specifically of the N-Word. This made the Gods uncomfortable and tried their best to ignore her, despite her autistic screeching.

The Legend of the Ancient Idol
There were whispers throughout the lands of Mane-Chatius of a treasure made of valuable jewels, with unspeakable powers to shift the very fabric of reality. Though many gossiped about this treasure, none were brave enough to seek it. For, as the whispers spread of the treasure, so too did whispers of Wrath’s unspeakable…uh…wrath. None were bold enough to make the trek to the Temple of the Idol. All but one…

This foolhardy adventurer was a veteran of travel. A legend in his own rite who has defeated many beasts and ungodly creatures with his Great Sword, Dyrnwyn. Bards sang of his greatness, swinging his sword of fire as he triumphed over great evils. Though he began as a humble young man, his age and experience had swollen his ego so that by the time he decided to seek the Idol, his humble nature had entirely vanished.

After searching for nearly five years, gathering as much information as he could about the temple and Idol, he finally found the mythic resting place of the Ancient Idol. He approached the temple with great fervor and opened the massive stone doors to be greeted by a man. This priest of the temple wore a cloak that obscured his face in shadow, holding something in his hand up to his face as he spoke,

'“Welcome, great hero. Welcome…to the Temple of the Idol. You fancy yourself worthy enough to endure the trials of this sacred place…?”'

The priest’s voice seem to echo throughout the chambers as he questioned the adventurer. He callously smirked at the priest as he raised his Dyrnwyn, the legendary sword bursting into flames.

'“Ha-HAH! But of COURSE I am worthy!! Have you not heard of me!? I am the Great Master of the Flaming Great Sword! Any challenge you send my way shall be crushed with the utmost ease! So, pitiful priest, please…send anything you want at me! I SHALL PREVAIL!!”'

The priest grinned beneath his hood and signaled the hero to follow him. The priest led him to a large, dark chamber with many imposing shadows all around. The hero laughed aloud as he held his sword above his head, prepared to take on the challenge.

'“Well!? COME AT ME!!”'

It was the priest’s turn to laugh, cackling behind the hero.

“…what are you laughing at, puny priest!?”

He screamed at the diminutive holy man. The priest simply continued to cackle.

'“PRIEST! I WILL NOT HESISTATE TO SLAY YOU MYSELF IF YOU DO NOT STOP…LAUGHING!!”'

The hero swung his fiery sword at the priest, who merely backflipped away as his cloak flew off. The hero stared at the priest in bewilderment, taking in the strange appearance of the holy man.

Standing at a mere 3’ tall, the priest’s face was covered in white make up with large red lips painted on. On his head was a sort of jester’s cap, tipped with white furry balls at the ends, topped with a regal crown. Lifting his long, lanky arms, clad in his striped green jumpsuit, the clown-priest grinned a bucktoothed grin as he yelled into his microphone,

'“Welcome! To the Legend of the Hidden Temple!!!”'

“…what.”

The lights suddenly flickered on, revealing a large and clearly fake set with several “stages.” At the center of the chaos stood a great, stone face whose eyes lit up with the set. The clown-priest flipped over to the stone face and exclaimed with glee,

'“Olmec! Wakey-wakey, eggs and bakey!!”'

The face began to move in response,

'“HELLO, KIRK. IT IS A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU AGAIN AFTER THESE MANY EONS. HOW IS YOUR WIFE? DID YOUR CHILDREN GRADUATE COLLEGE YET?” '

'“Oh, you know how Heather is. She’s onto her embroidery kick again, hahah! And my boys graduated in ’98! Except for Harry. Harry is a disappointment.”'

The hero could only look on as this strange scene unraveled before him, unable to comprehend exactly what the fuck was going on. Clown-Priest continued pleasantly chatting with Olmec for a while before remembering the hero then turned to the adventurer with his wide, bucktoothed smile.

'“Oh, of course. I almost forgot! You’re here to attempt the challenge!!”'

The hero quickly shook his head to regain his senses and puffed out his chest.

'“Yes! I am here to claim…the Idol!! Show me the feats of which I must perform to obtain the sacred relic!”'

Clown-Priest Kirk flipped to stand on one hand as he yelled into his mic,

'“Of course, of course! Brave challenger…you must make your way through the Hidden Temple to find the Idol. First, you must run up the stairs to the crypt!”'

Kirk pointed to the first stage, where two plastic skeletons with shitty cobwebs stood, wearing metal helmets and holding a decrepit old book.

'“You must take the book from the skeletons, then pass into…”'

Then, to the next stage, where a large foam pendulum blade swung back and forth above a pit of more foamy props.

'“The PIT of the PENDULUM!! Knock over the column that leads into the next room…”'

Then, to the stage after, a room overcast in blue with several clay pots strewn about in front of a large, locked door.

'“The KING’S STOREROOM!! Smash the clay pots to find the key, that will lead you into your next challenge…”'

Then, to the next stage, which had three symbols on each side of varying colour and design.

'“The CHAMBER of the SECRET MARKERS!! Match the symbols on the right to those on the left and pass into…”'

Then, to the stage after that, where three warriors’ helmets (and a Storm Trooper helmet) all sat upon three poles, with other pieces of the armour surrounding each pole.

'“The ROOM of the ANCIENT WARRIORS!! Place yourself into the correct armour and open the door to move onto…”'

Then, the last visible stage, where it is most dark and ominous. A large stone door towers over a small pedestal, where a pole protrudes, seemingly meant for something to be placed there.

The pedestal itself is surrounded by three shelves, all holding a piece of a statue on them.

'“THE SHRINE OF THE SILVER MONKEY!!! Assemble the statue correctly, and you may be headed into the next chamber to face the SECOND set of challenges to overcome for you to finally obtain…The Ancient Idol. You’ll probably fail, though~!”'

Clown-Priest Kirk cackled maniacally with Olmec as the warrior growled,

“I WILL defeat these pitiful “challenges.” And I shall do it with ease!”

'“Very well, then. TEST YOUR SKILL, WARRIOR!!”'

Long story short, he failed. He got the head of the Silver Monkey backwards and was obliterated from existence. He is now quite literally erased from reality. They say that to this day, Clowns’ laughter can be heard echoing across the land. The most fucked up part about this story is that the Ancient Idol was never actually in the temple. Clowns just spread the rumour so some dumbass would try to come take it. The reality is that the Ancient Idol is with the Gods atop Manelympus, and they use it to break reality by crumpling up shit for memes. THE END!

The Seed of Clown God
One day, as the Gods lounged atop Mane Mountain, a strange incident occurred.

Wrath and Kindness were watching old movies with the Prince of Anime (a truly rare occurrence), when Wrath noticed something strange going on with many of the other Gods. Several of them were huddled together around a small television, yelling about how much they love “Dead By Daylight.” Wrath rolled his eyes initially before noticing something that didn’t belong…

Amongst the Gods were two people that did not occupy Manelympus. One was a mortal woman that Wrath recognized as the mate of the Squirrely RAGE God, but the other was one Wrath had never seen before. Sitting next to Clowns was a youngling that looked an awful lot like Clowns themself, covered in white makeup with a bulbous, shiny red nose, tapping away madly at their keyboard and screaming with the others.

Wrath flew into a rage rivaling Squirrel as he grabbed the youngling and readied himself to fling it away. But suddenly, Wrath could not move. No matter how he tried, the Alcoholic Father could not budge even an inch. From the corner of his eye he caught the form of Clowns springing up into a frightening Bara donning a clown mask and bunny ears.

'“NOOO!! You can’t fling them away! That’s G! THAT’S MY SON!!!”'

Wrath stared at Clowns in horror.

“What actual the fuck!?!”

Clowns cackled behind their mask.

'“What’s the matter, Wrath? Didn’t you know the CLOWNS FUCK!?!”'

Wrath narrowed his eyes at the Clown God and released the Clown Child. G ran to Clowns and clung to their massive, burly leg.

“Look here, Clowns.”

Wrath began as he pointed an accusatory finger at the chaotic Clown,

'“I am NOT okay with this. AT ALL. But I don’t genuinely care enough to do anything about it (and I’m also goddamn terrified of you), so I’ll let this slide. But your little Clown Jesus is NOT staying with us up here. They can stay in the village of zealots that worship us at the foot of the mountain.”'

Bara Clowns gave a big thumbs up.

From that day forth, the Seed of Clowns, known by the mortals as Clown G-sus, lived out their days in Mane Village, performing parlour tricks for the locals and generally causing all kinds of problems that they immediately solved in the style of a wacky Saturday morning cartoon.

That One Time the Gods Possessed a Chad so They could Fuck
One ordinary day, the Gods were all making merriment. T-V had opened up a dimensional rift to be with His/Her creations, and some of them chose to inhabit His/Her pocket reality to look through the viewing scope of Rabb.IT, a tool that T-V describes as a “dimensionhopping condom.” It was just before New Year’s, so Demon Daddy Krampus 2.0 was there with the Gods and chose to join Wrath, Clowns, and Homestuck in the viewing party with T-V at the helm.

At first, their amusement was sated by looking through the perviest and cringiest of dimensions, full of horribly-written dialogue and big tiddy. But then, they came across…her.

“GANGURO GIRL!!” “GANGURO GIRL!!”

Clowns and Wrath began to shout and chant as they hovered over a dimension containing a young Asian woman with bright blonde hair and unusually tan skin. It was the Ganguro Girl from the Newgrounds dimension. Wrath and Clowns were both very familiar with this place and had visited it many times. With glee, the both of them shouted at T-V to stop in that dimension in a way akin to children begging their parents to go to Disney World. T-V (at first) reluctantly agrees. After learning of the meaning behind Newgrounds’ Ganguro plane (namely, to fuck a Japanese lady wearing outdated, borderline-racist fashion), the Gods all wanted to see more out of morbid curiosity. Wrath and Clowns grinned maniacally in the back, knowing what would come next.

The Gods all became enthralled with the wacky, nonsensical logic of the dimension, T-V Himself/Herself even wanting in on the action. Wrath and Clowns then created a mortal Chad body for the Gods in the Ganguro Plane and named it, “me ☺”. Truly, it was a sight to behold. 99 years old with the Zodiac sign of “Karkat :D”, this me ☺ Chad had the body of a smug college student with a toned form that didn’t have to work out to have his muscle (fucking Mesomorphs). Though he does not possess a lot of strength, he had enough to get by, which is good, because he was dumber than a bag of hammers. But in spite of this, me ☺ was charming. Especially after Wrath demanded with great fervor that they drive the Chad to drink as much as possible, giving him the charming energy of an alcoholic.

And so, for the next two fucking hours, the Gods lost themselves in trying to git sum fuk with the Ganguro Girl, despite her racist blackface. T-V was still at the helm, dictating the Chad’s actions as the rest of the Gods (but mostly Wrath and Clowns) yelled and screamed at the Elder G-d, telling Him/Her where to go and what to do. Though there were times when T-V became too excited a made a misclick on His/Her keyboard interface, the courting went by smoothly. Clowns constantly took down notes of Ganguro’s traits and facts, such as her 45kg weight or her 87cm hip size, while Wrath constantly yelled at his Elder G-d about which option was the most efficient, screaming “SPEEDRUN HONEYBUN!!!” the whole time.

Working as a telemarketer, with a great amount of charm and the ability to lie up a storm, the Chad made enormous amounts of money, which he used exclusively to buy boots and booze. With the fury of a middle age mother playing Candy Crush on her smartphone, T-V clicked every option as dictated by Wrath, forcing their mortal vessel to sprint from the bar to the telemarketing agency and back again as it drank and lied its way to fortune and charm. Soon the Chad reached peak Charm, unable to gorge itself on beer any longer, and the Gods resigned it to working at the telemarketing agency to make mad cash until…the time had come.

The Gods instructed their Chad to enter the club with an unfortunate set of initials, Club Python. Within the club was their prize, the Ganguro Girl. What was her name, Saiko or something? Whatever, it’s not important. Point is, she was ripe for the picking for their charming Chad. After being rejected multiple times and being forced back to the bar to become more charm, the Ganguro finally gives in to the Chad and goes out on a date with him. The Gods all scream about what to do on the date, with Wrath and Clowns being the only ones that actually know what the fuck they’re supposed to do. Despite Homestuck’s screams of “TOUCH THE TITTY TOUCH THE TITTY!!”, they could not, in fact, touch the titty. Only after several dates, some of them going quite horribly, were they finally able to move farther along and get them Hotel Love digits.

As the allowed 100 days of life their Chad creation was given began to come to a close, they came to the final stretch. Ganguro was at Girlfriend level, and the Gods began to cheat the system at Wrath’s suggestion of “right-click > play” to build the Wanna Fuck Meter more quickly. After successfully gaining a kissu~ on the last date area, the Chad entered the Love Hotel where Ganguro stayed. Ganguro was at the Lovers level now, and she was finally ready. The Gods answered each question thrown at them by Ganguro, not even needing most of the notes that Clowns wrote down, filling up the Wanna Fuck Meter to its highest extent until—

* KISSU~*

The deed was complete. They had done it. They had wasted two literal hours trying to get laid with a racist Japanese chick. And so they claimed their prize: badly animated sex scenes.

No one was happy about this.

Birth of Demigods
After the coming of Clown G-sus, there was another to join the half-breed pantheon. A child that was born in Mane-Chatius but was cast out due to the nature of her birth. She was immediately recognized by a few of the Gods as being the child of the God of Furries, though Furries was oblivious to it.

This new Demigod of Furries rose up to claim their title with pride upon returning to Mane-Chatius. T-V saw this occurrence and blessed the child, granting her previously unawoken power over the fauna of the land, just like her father(?). Though not nearly as powerful, she was much more charismatic, and as a result was worshipped far more than her father God. Like her father, she commanded great skill of artistry, being granted a paintbrush made from the hairs of a horse’s tail from the Gods to paint the fauna of the land in beautiful (and garish) colors. Like neon and rainbows.

…oh no.

With the rise of Tabby the Demigod of Furries and G-sus the Seed of Clowns, the door was left open for others to come, the Gods now aware that they could all sire offspring…